#I love these adware assholes

[movedtodykedvonte]

I mentioned the Addisons have individualized attacks in the last post so here’s what I imagine they’d be;

Banner: Like the sales attack they are able to make a swarm or tornado of scathing and peircing reviews on a person that hurt if they come in to contact. She can boost hee defense if he critiques herself right but also has a chance to hurt herself or his team if they become too over/self critical.

Surv: No weapon but he is supernaturally strong to point he could probably lift a car with one hand if worked up enough (excess strength is triggered by stress). He can also harness energy to give himself and others TP or HP but if it is not dispersed it can make him frenzied and even volatile to the touch.

Pop/Vidie: She is able to use her teas as a weapon, forming into scolding attacks that he also uses vitriolic advice to lower defense so it burns more. The catch is she has to drink the tea first to do each attack and too many conflicting flavors or maybe just flavors that don’t go make her nauseous/lose HP due to the teas properties.

Audi: A giant sowing needle that can be wielded like a sword. He rarely uses it as such though as its main purpose is to sow garments extremely fast. These garments/fabrics are extremely durable to the point of being indestructible if not using Audis needle itself or an equal power. The garments/fabrics stay active as long as Audi is conscious and has enough TP, though it never has much TP in reserve.

Spamton: Not anything but the munitions and heal deals you know and love but an explaintion. Spam never had things to sell and only had himself. As a manifestation of this and his desire to not be left out or forgotten the pipis form as a data byproduct. They hatch into minitons that advertise him and the very random products that can be found in his could but mainly work as a way to keep his face around and in peoples minds. They are naturally friendly albeit to a pushy degree.

Maybe these will come up in a fic chapter or future fic, who knows.

[fahrni]

Saturday Morning Coffee

Good morning! 🌅

Another 8AM wake-up. Kolby, our puppers, must’ve read my blog post a few weeks back complaining about him waking me up at 6:30AM on the weekend. 😄

Coffee in hand, time for links! Enjoy. ☕️

The Wall Street Journal

It sounded like a dream partnership when Apple Inc. reached out to Joe Kiani, the founder of a company that makes blood-oxygen measurement devices. He figured his technology was a perfect fit for the Apple Watch.

Sherlocking is an Apple tradition. Tim Cook comes across as a nice Southern Gentleman but under that demure exterior is a cold blooded killer. Hey, he’s the CEO of the most successful company in the world, I wouldn’t expect anything less. Other companies innovating on an Apple platform is great for Apple. It gives them a blueprint without having to do it themselves.

Lucky for me there’s no way Apple could Sherlock the advanced algorithm AI ML of Stream! It’s too powerful for anyone but me to understand! 🤣

How’s that for completely shameful self promotion? 👍🏼

Red Shirts Always Die

Season three of Star Trek: Picard has been a hit for Paramount+. Fans love nostalgia, for good or bad, they do.

I’ve been thirsting to watch Picard since the original season but I’ve refused to add yet another streaming service to our mix. I’m hoping we’ll get some kind of licensing deal that allows other streamers access to it. 🤞🏼

Daring Fireball

But what got me thinking about this issue this week is the dumbest adware in iOS I’ve seen.

I hear this from folks from time to time. Apple is advertising in their apps now. I’m certain Steve Jobs has rolled over in his grave.

I’ve seen a couple myself but they’ve been very subtle and easily dismissible. Do I want to see ads in Apple products? Nope. It feels beneath them but they gotta add that shareholder value and squeeze every last penny out of their products.

New York Times

In a move that brings to a close a pioneering era of online journalism, BuzzFeed is shutting down its namesake news division.

Not that I’m a huge BuzzFeed reader but this was very surprising. This media outlet with a funny name eventually became a Pulitzer winning company. That’s something to be proud of. I wish everyone well and hope they land on their feet. Tech has been a been a real mess lately. So many layoffs.

MSNBC

If you’re a transgender resident of Missouri, the next 10 months are set to be horrible. Under an emergency regulation from state Attorney General Andrew Bailey, it will soon become incredibly difficult, if not impossible, for many patients to receive any sort of gender-affirming care.

More GOP cruelty. They love, love, love, guns but hate people. I don’t know how else to say it. They’re control freaks who want a nation of drones who push buttons to churn out widgets to make them rich at the cost of their humanity. It’s really very disgusting. Let people live their lives with dignity and respect.

Los Angeles Times

Andrew Toles hasn’t played for the Dodgers since Sept. 30, 2018. However, he just had his contract renewed for another year last week.

This is a class move by the Dodgers organization. Not many companies would be so thoughtful.

Texas Tribune

Public schools in Texas would have to prominently display the Ten Commandments in every classroom starting next school year under a bill the Texas Senate approved Thursday.

Here we are again. Yet another red state trying to make a ridiculous law infringing on Constitutional rights and freedoms. This will not holdup under judicial review but these assholes love to challenge law in hopes of overturning it. Maybe this is their retaliation for us normals wanting to revoke the [Second Amendment(https://constitution.congress.gov/constitution/amendment-2/).

The First Amendment reads: “Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.”

Emphasis is mine. This should override any state sponsored law. It’s just a GOP game.

Gus Mueller

Twenty years ago today, March 27, 2003, I released VoodooPad 1.0.

I didn’t see this until this week. Congratulations Gus! Twenty years is a quite an accomplishment. 👍🏼

The Verge

Volkswagen is pulling the cover off the ID.7 flagship electric vehicle that aims to rescue the sedan from the dustbin of vehicle history.

This is a really nice looking ride, not to mention great for consumer choice.

Traditional car companies have caught up with Tesla and are making better cars. The gravy train had to end at some point.🚂

New York Times

A new state-funded project in the San Joaquin Valley hopes to find a new way to build drought resilience. The idea is simple: Cover the state’s canals and aqueducts with solar panels to both limit evaporation and generate renewable energy.

I grew up and spent most of my life in the San Joaquin Valley of California — hello Exeter — and saw canals everyday.

I recall a particular canal at the base of Rocky Hill, in Exeter, that had an underground section. Because it dove underground it provided and excellent hill for speeding and jumping down on our bikes.

This idea is really interesting but makes me wonder if they can pull it off? Canals are already extremely dangerous. What would adding covers to them do? Once you’re in one it’s extremely difficult to get out. In my experience folks are usually pulled out by someone who notices they’ve fallen in.

/Film

Roman has slowly but surely become a more competent businessman and human being throughout all four seasons of “Succession.”

Ah, Succession, my favorite 💩show of all time.

Of all the characters I’ve always found Roman the most likeable of all the Roy family — that’s not saying much as they’re all disgusting pigs — and I’m really anxious to see where we land at the season finale.

Some thoughts. Shiv aborts her baby. Tom murders Shiv and commits suicide. Kendal becomes a homeless drug addict. Roman starts an online dating service. Connor goes back to his life a solitude. Cousin Greg dupes them all and ends up in charge of the family fortune.

Sounds about right. How many of these will I get correct? Guess we’ll find out. 🤣

Ed Zitron

I’ll get right to it: Mark Zuckerberg is an ineffective, incompetent, and directionless executive, one bereft of complete or concrete ideas.

I feel like the only reason the Zuck is still CEO is because he has more than a 50% interest in the company with a handpicked board of sycophants.

Mark’s not going anywhere.

[canidaedreams64]

1 like..... wowee!!, anyways google docs copy paste text dump INCOMING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (tldr: weirdo computer virus cogs)

Department Info

World wide web internet safety woooooooooooooo. Antivirus shit. Names originally like the opposite to the current titles or somethin. Uh oh one day bot-herder fucked up and now theyre all even more of an evil shitheads and will beat the shit out of toons and cogs. Are kinda just live laugh loving while chairman is wondering what the fuck to do with this gaggle of homosexuals. Does this shit match and make sence with cannoN? No, but funny puter virus robots :^]

The Cogs

Bot-herder/Steve Macintosh (He/Him, genderqueer bisexual objectum) = da bosss. Trying to keep up a cool and professional demeanour, failing. Hes behind it all. loves his g3 imac computer wife (her names gala btw). Usually avoids questions about his personal life

Phisher/Brooke Rivulet (He/him, genderqueer gay) = weird old geezer. Good argument but unfortunately i have your ip address. Likes to scam children. Begrudgingly friends with adware. Women fear me fish want me. Hes also married to a phantom shark cog that i have not named yet...

Adware/Poppy Addison (She/they/he, genderfluid aroace) = hot single computers in your area!!!! Totally hip and trendy with the kidz. Enjoys doing artsy stuff, but only so that she could use them in scams. ‘Besties’ with phisher. knows

Spyware/Carmen Bond (They/them, nonbinary lesbian) = the epic cool awesome one. Scaringly good at disguises. God forbid women do anything (gender neutral). Gatekeep gaslight girlboss (gender neutral x2). Kind of an asshole sometimes

Ransomware/Rensen Murasa (She/her, genderqueer pansexual) = yo ho ho. No 1 fan of pirating media but also stealing peoples money. No shop is too heavy to lift when it comes to her. Inasnely good at bullet hell games. Held one of scarewares limbs for ransom once

Rootkit/Cordy Ralis (It/its genderqueer aromantic) = apartment complex? I find it quite simple. Self proclaimed intellectual. Big fan of anything and everything zombie related. Watches those how to survive insert horror movie videos.

Trojan Horse/Dolon Hephaestus (He/they, demiboy bisexual) = the other cool one, but in a more warriormale way. Fight fight fight. Unconventional plans that end up working. Will secretly download viruses on your computer. Also hes an owl, get bamboozled

Worm/Klez Morris (He/him, trans gay) = worlds most silly normal guy. Always needs to leave those ‘klez was here!!’ type messages on every surface possible. Could probably kill a person and get away with it.

Scareware/Taise Oíche (She/he, bigender bisexual) = weirdo little shit that likes to scare and ‘prank’ people (giving them 25 million viruses on their computer after scaring them into downloading a fake antivirus program). Claims to religiously watch horror movies, is a poseur

does anybody wanna hear about my fan-department (netbots :^]) toontown cog ocs................... theyre super cool (lie) and computery...................

[gordonradiotv]

look i don’t wanna be blunt but fucking listen to me. have you heard harold say to you himself, in his own words, that you failed him? no? that’s what i thought. you haven’t failed him. he still loves you, skeletons are just assholes bro - adware anon

i don’t know if you noticed but he kind of can’t tell me that. Maybe i didn’t fail him completely before all of this but now i certainly have.

[mitchmarnier]

writing prompt masterlist #1

 Of course, there’s 75 million prompt lists out there but i figured there’s nothing wrong with making my own. Send me a category + a number + a pairing and i’ll write you a fic. Okay to reblog and use :) (x)

Fake/Secret/Etc Dating AUs:

my parents keep setting me up on blind dates but in reality I’m dating you and it’s so you help me get out of them

i hate commitment but my dad’s dying wish is to see me get married and you’re an old family friend i ran into at the airport on my way to visit him so hey let’s get engaged

you need a plus-one for your brother’s wedding so i’m going as a favor but there’s been a misunderstanding and now your whole family thinks we’re engaged

i’m mad at my parents so i ask you out because they wouldn’t approve of you and you’re well aware that i’m just using you but you agree because you find it funny but hey you’re actually super sweet

there’s this really creepy person hitting on me and i don’t know you but you pretending to be my partner completely saved my ass thanks how about i buy you a drink

we’re just really touchy friends and we get each other gifts all the time but everyone thinks we’re going out and we let them think that but why are you getting upset about me going on a date we’re not actually together? 

I’m sorry you always thought your love for me was unrequited but on to more important matters YOU’RE GETTING MARRIED IN THE MORNING SO YOU HAVE A DECISION TO MAKE YOU ASSHOLE!

Our mutual friend apparently has been waiting for us to get together and so they’re very angry/disappointed/upset when they find out that the reason we kissed last night was because we were black-out drunk

everyone thinks we hate each other and we keep that front up in public, so we have hilarious pretend fights and squabbles and pranks 

when we were little I accidentally mentioned that I had a crush on you but I always thought you didn’t hear me because you just looked at me weird and never commented but now we’re in high school and omg you just introduced me as your boyfriend/girlfriend/datemate wtf we never discussed this

friends to lovers aus

You’ve got a date tonight and you asked for advice on what to wear but I’m so in love with you and damn you look good in the outfit I picked out for you

You’ve liked me for ages and were really obvious about it and I didn’t like all the attention but now you’re over me I really miss it and fuck I think I like you too?

 You want us both to get in shape and I hate working out/running but your ass looks really good in shorts oh the things I do for my friends and their nice asses

Our best friends are that awful ‘cute’ couple that make-out in public and call each other “sweetie” and “sugar” and “babe” and god they’re awful let’s talk about how awful they are – develops into “shit we’re the awful couple now”

Celebrity/Famous AUs

listen, you may be a famous (and extremely attractive) guitarist, but that gives you no right to practise on the electric at two a.m when we live right next to each other.

We broke up and I used my feelings to write songs and now I’m super popular and you want me back

we decided to make a fake vlog drama for our subscribers and they all think it’s real but jokes on us we end up actually liking each other

I run a prank channel and you were some innocent bystander I pranked for a video but then it turns out hey, you’re also famous online haha shit

we met and started talking but i didn’t know you were a rising star until i noticed cameras following me wtf

you’re a reporter and i think you’re super cute so i’ll only give you personal interviews to help your career and also get you to talk to me more

I’m a celebrity and I have a secret social media account and we started talking online and now we’re close friends but you want to meet up oh shit

I’m a celebrity and I may or may not be following your blog which is dedicated to me. reading your comments and tags are hilarious and very flattering and I’m somewhat smitten  

You’re an actor/other famous person that I really admire and I just saw you in the street and as I was debating whether or not to say hi you came up to me and started flirting what do I do??

wedding/kids/marriage/long term relationship AUs

we’ve been dating forever, and you just caught the bouquet at our friend’s wedding

remember when we were in high school and we swore that if we were still single at 30 we’d marry each other, well hey guess whose birthday it is

i’m a runaway bride/groom and you’re driving my getaway car

I suddenly bumped into you after years and wow you look good but holy crap is that a kid?? since when?

you had a breakdown because the baby wouldn’t stop crying and you kept saying how you weren’t ready and how you couldn’t do it

whenever my kid starts crying I just hand them to you and then they just stop and start smiling

“i’m so sorry that my child pointed out how your shirt- actually nevermind i agree, that shirt is horrendous”

i always tease you because that’s just our thing we tease each other but for some reason you snapped at me and are you okay? what’s wrong?

my in-laws despise me GREAT but around you they’re super nice so you don’t believe me

neighbours AUs

You always complain about how loud I am (whether it be TV, video games or music/musical instrument is up to you) and this is the first time you’ve actually knocked on my apartment door and given me a lecture there rather than giving me a phone call, but I’m not really listening because I didn’t  realise I had such a cute neighbour

you never open your door for children on halloween so i always pay the kids to smear your door with shaving cream

my printer isnt printing anymore and my papers are due tomorrow so im on my knees in front of your door begging to use your printer when the old lady from above passes us and thinks im proposing to you

we always run into each other on the stairs but we’ve never said more than hello but when we found out that we both hate the other neighbours, we became friends

i came home drunk and wouldnt stop knocking on your door. when you open i keep telling you to get out of my apartment

after a rough party night i find you sleeping on the stairs but since im still a little asshole all i do is put a blanket over you and a pillow under your head

Please help me, I know you have a kid and my sibling just dropped their baby on me where’s the button to put them to sleep?

I’m stressed and sleep-deprived, please let me pet your cat. 

I have really weird dreams and you have really weird dreams so now we’re in this contest to see who has the weirdest dreams.

Strangers/Meet Cute (or meet very NOT cute) AUs 

We were sitting next to each other in a public place and I saw a mosquito on you and my instincts just acted before my mind.

We mixed up our clothes at the laundry service and I have nothing left to wear and every thing you wear is too big/small for me.

We’re at a comic book store and if you tell me your superhero is better than mine I’m gonna have to punch you in the teeth.

There are no table left at this restaurant and you let me sit at yours since you’re alone.

I’m a single grown-up with busy friends but I want to go to Disneyland so I drop a message on a forum to find someone like me to go wear silly Mickey ears headband and stuff ourselves with cotton candy.

My computer broke down so I called an IT and now I need to find a reason to call them back so I delete important files and download adwares and do all kinds of stupid things. 

I almost dropped something and in my fumbling attempts to stop it from hitting the floor I accidentally projectiled it at your face and it’s a really nice face I’m so sorry

first day at a new job and oh fuck my boss is the person I drunkenly hooked up with last weekend/night

I wanted to go on the ferris wheel but there has to be two people to a cart come on random person let’s go oh wait are we stuck at the top? Fuck

 Our mutual friend set us up on a blind date and I thought I’d hate it but you’re actually… kind of funny? But because I expected to hate it in no way am I going to let you change my mind just because you’re gorgeous and funny and intelligent oh no my friend is not winning this

college/high school AUs:

i went on a date with a boy who had plans to take me to dinner and drinks. but he lost his wallet at a pizza place so we just walked around the neighborhood, sat in the park and talked.

we’re in the same study group but we dont talk but you brought goldfish and im starving

we have the same notebook and we took the wrong ones home so i used your notes on my open book test

you were my elementary school crush but you moved away but somehow we end up miraculously going to the same college and i barely recognized you because holy hot damn you are more attractive than i remember?

I tripped over on my way to this party and I’m bleeding profusely from the grazes on my knees and you’re a complete stranger that pretty much jumped me the second I walked in the door to play nurse

ive had a crush on you for 3+ years and now youre going out with my best friend and i definitely havent locked myself in a toilet cubicle to cry

We’re in different debate classes and I was constructing a case on the board and I come in the next morning and you’ve replied to all my points really well?? But I don’t even know your name? And oh shit, we’re taking over the entire whiteboard, is that your phone number squeezed into the corner of the board there?

You have braces and I don’t and I keep forgetting you’re not allowed to have gum so every time I offer, you give this death glare

You sent me a text asking if I wanted to go to prom on the day of prom and I’m not in town

I’m a notorious goody two shoes and you look like you get into fights on a daily basis, so when you were in the library on the first day I was supposed to be a tutor, I assumed I’d be tutoring you. But, as it turns out, we’re both tutors, and the people we’re tutoring keep blowing us off to make out and we have to go round them up

we have a mutual best friend but they cannot find out how much i like you then they’ll tell you, but i need to find out if you’re single!

I sat down in the wrong class and I’m panicking but don’t want to get up and leave because the class has started and you think it’s hilarious 

You pissed me off in class so I threw a book at your head and now I’m in detention and jesus fuck I hate you so much and the teacher made me apologise and wait you’re cuter up close

soulmate aus

if one soulmate gets an injury, the other gets it as well.

Character A has a soulmate, but Character A died before they got to meet them. As Character A navigates the afterlife in their ghostly form, they discover that they can’t “move on” until they’ve met their soulmate.

 the very first words your soulmate ever says to you are tattooed somewhere on your body since the day you are born

when you write something on your skin with pen/marker/whatever, it will show up on your soul mates skin as well.

You get an ‘impression’ of your soulmate when you turn 18 or something but all I got was a strong smell of bananas or something

you have a compass on your wrist and it directs you to where your soulmate is

i usually think i’m having a conversation with myself in my head but it turns out we’re telepathically connected

everybody is born with a map “tattooed” on their forearm that’s centered on the exact location of where they’ll first meet their soul mate 

[redytofucknow-blog]

A Christmas to Remember

Frank and Olivia had a wonderful marriage. It was so great Olivia decided to share it with Roberto, Sal, and Ox. She wanted dick all the time, and Frank was no match for her sexual needs. So she got what she needed from three men and her husband. Frank was totally unaware of her trysts. Olivia, a raven haired, buxom temptress, had dark brown eyes, dark brown nipples, that seemingly protruded through bras, shirts, even sweaters! She wore yoga pants so tight, you could read her lips, her labia lips, as she did not wear underwear! Men's eyes, and quite a few women's eyes followed her ass like it was magnetic. Her bubble butt, and her very big bust meant she would never ever sleep alone. She was so fine. Frank's job as a Federal Information Technologist sounded better than the reality. He fixed computers for the government, mostly for the FBI and the NSA. He had multiple security clearances, but most of his job was getting rid of porn based viruses, adware and malware. Day in, and day out, people abused the government issued laptops and desktops without remorse! He had to clean it all out. There was a power failure, with no work to do, so he bought some flowers to surprise his lovely wife. He walked in, there she was on top of Ox, a very large black man, she was on all fours, Roberto the Hispanic maintenance guy was in her asshole, and she was being face fucked by Sal, the guy from upstairs. All three guys were married. He got out his phone, this video was going to be needed for his upcoming divorce. The foursome was totally unaware he was even there. He walked around getting better views of his soon to be ex wife's face. He was upset of course, but he was a very methodical man. Pain would come later. So it was a bit of a shock to find his wife fucking three men in their apartment. Frank lost his cool demeanour, told them they had until he loaded the Glock, and then he would use them all as targets. They were all assholes and elbows, getting clothes, and getting out. His beautiful cheating wife was now crying, begging forgiveness, it would never happen again. Of that he was certain, she would be someone else's problem, not his. "Take your worthless scum sucking ass out of here. Get your clothes and leave!" "Where am I supposed to go?" she whined. "Go stay with one of your boyfriends! Oh, wait. Their wives might not take kindly to a slut showing up. Especially one that just fucked her husband. Better go home to mom's house then." "It's ten degrees outside! I'll freeze outside! Please don't throw me out! I'll make it up to you somehow." "Poor planning on your part dosn't constitute an emergency on mine. Get out of here NOW. I can't stand to look at your cheating face. You have pissed me off for the last time. You obviously don't love me. So, get the fuck out. I'll file on Monday, we will be divorced in a couple of months. Get going, you piece of shit!" She whimpered, grabbed a few things and threw them in a carry on bag and out the door she went. He thought, good riddance. But even in the midst of his tirade, he knew she would try to wiggle her way back into his good graces. This time was over the top. She was fucking THREE GUYS for crying out loud! She had been caught before, and promised before, several times. He sent a copy of her coupling to her mom Pamela. Her dad had passed two years ago. Three months ago, her mother Pamela had entered the bathroom while he was peeing and calmly began to clutch and stroke his dick. He was kinda shocked, then turned on, as his mother in law was even more voluptuous than the skank he just threw out. She was on her knees in a heartbeat, sucking his still wet dick for all she was worth. He came in her mouth very quickly, she swallowed it down. She said, "Thank you so much, its been so long since I tasted cum. Thank you, Thank you!" She totally washed his cock in her mouth. She was trying to remove her dress, when he heard his wife on the other side of the door. He kissed his mother in law and said, "Thank You Pam! and walked out. The apple dosen't fall far from tree. The tiny Christmas tree had twinkling lights seemed to be trying to cheer poor Frank up. He was weeping, feeling totally inadequate as far as the female of the species was concerned. He didn't quite understand it. He took good care of her. He made love to her three or four times a week. He always had her come before him. Sometimes he would eat her out for an hour till she got off again and again. Was it his size? He wondered. He was blessed or cursed to have a fairly large penis, very thick and pretty long. She had never complained about it in the seven years they had been together, six as a married couple. Even when she had been caught cheating, she never even mentioned his equipment. He had a theory: She was a slut. In the absence of other evidence, it seemed the most likely theory. She really liked dicks. He thought about her mom. Like mom, like daughter? He would invite her mom over and fuck the shit out of her, and do it in front of the cheating bitch! Evil fantasy #3! The wind was whistling in the front windows. It was cold, even with the heat cranked up. He heard a knock at the door. He opened it to a pair of smurfs. Two women who lived next door were on his doorstep. They were freezing. They really did look almost blue though. Sharon, a buxom blonde lesbian, said,"Wwwwee hhhhaaattte tutto bbboother yyyooou. Ooourrr hhheeat iiiss oouuttt, can wwwee wwwarrm pull hherre fffoorrr a mmmiinnutte ppplleeassse?" He ushered them in. They had on winter coats, and blankets. "Come on in here. For crying out loud, it's Christmas! How about some hot chocolate? Have you two eaten? Ill whip something up for you sit down, get warm." He rubbed their shoulders, Sharon and Liz both.They felt so cold. He got hot chocolate for each of them and made some Chinese vegetables and sauteed chicken pieces. He served it hot. They acted like it was their first food in week! "Frank, you are the nicest guy we know. If I was interested in men, you would be on my list! Except of course that you're married." "Not anymore. I caught her again, this time with three guys at the same time! I gave her the boot. Sent her to her mom's house. I'm filing for divorce on Monday. That is it. I'm done!" He was very close to tears. "Frank, why aren't you eating too? We didn't just eat your dinner did we?" Sharon asked. Some color was back in her cheeks. She was very attractive with full red lips, high cheekbones and wonderful eyes, not to mention her curvy, heavenly body. "It's ok, my guests always come before I do," he said. Liz hugged him. She wasn't quite as buxom, but she was very ravishing nonetheless. She had jet black hair, and flawless olive toned skin. She had hypnotic green eyes that sparkled in the light. Her breasts while not the football size of her partner were still at least a D cup. She had big, thick nipples, that currently were hard as diamonds. They poked through her bra and her knit shirt! "Frank, thank you so much for taking us into your home. If there is ever anything we can do to help you, just name it. I think your wife was very stupid, cheating on a wonderful man like you. I mean, I'm not interested in men. But if I was, you would be high on my list. Why on earth? What got into her?" Liz opined. "Oh I saw with my own eyes what got into her. Thing is, their equipment didn't look any better than mine. I wish you guys could tell me what's wrong with me. I feel completely emasculated by this whole thing. I wasn't enough for her." Sharon keeled down in front of frank and quick as a wink, had his zipper down and his dick out. She was examining it closely. It throbbed in her fingers. "I've only ever seen three cocks up close before, my dad's, my brother's and my only boyfriend's. This one looks way different." "What's the matter with it?" "It's HUGE. Its at least twice as big as the cocks I've seen. I think its nice, but a little scary." "Why scary?" Frank asked. "Men turn into animals when they get excited. You could rape and pillage me with this thing. Ohmygod its getting BIGGER! And harder too!" Frank laughed. "First off, you are watching way too much porn. I'd say 80 to 90 percent of porn is male fantasy; not reality. When you make love, it's all about the other person, not raping and pillaging. I'm not even sure what that is. Are you trying to make me cum?" "May I please suck it? It ... It's like magnetic. I want to put it in my mouth. Please? I don't get to see any dicks being a dyke." "Why would you call yourself that? Isn't that a nasty term. And sure, you can put it in your mouth, don't chew on it, just suck it gently. I am actually close to cumming, so you probably don't want it in your mouth when I cum." "I want to look! I've never held a big dick like this. C'mon. Gimme" Liz seemed excited. She took over stroking, but Sharon still had her hand on the bottom of Frank's dick." "I'm gonna cum!"Frank said. Sharon put the head into her mouth, but you could see the ropes of cum shooting into her mouth. Liz watched in fascinated wonder. "Sharon, don't swallow the jism. I want to taste it!" Liz was adventurous today. Sharon kissed her and they traded his semen. It was so incredibly hot he was hard again in no time. "Holy shit, your hard already!" "It sorta has a mind of it's own." Liz said, "Kinda salty and tangy, but not as bad as I thought. I like it." Sharon looked at Liz. "I want to fuck him. Please?" "NO... Not unless he can fuck us BOTH! I have never had a dick either. It's only fair! "Can you fuck both of us? Can we both cum? TOGETHER?" "Sometimes, it's very tough to get the timing so that two people cum at the same time. But I can fuck you two together!" "What about birth control? You want me to get some condoms?" he asked "We're both on the pill, but for different reasons, but we're good. You could cum in my mouth again. I liked it" Sharon smacked her lips." "First man we share, and you want to eat all the cum. You cum glutton! Gotta share. I get the next load!" Liz did seem to like cum. "How do we start?" "Let's go in the bedroom and get naked and I'll show you." They weren't there two seconds and Liz was bareass naked. Sharon let Frank take off her things slowly, one button at a time. Liz was having none of that. She had the head of Frank's dick in her mouth. She bobbed her head. Frank had Sharon stand up. He started to tongue her cleft. He licked from her asshole to her landing strip. Liz was shaved bare. Her vulva was completely drenched. "Frank I know you're big on long foreplay, but I'm ready to get laid. Can I just jump on your dick PLEASE?!" "If this is your first time, there might some pain involved. Are you ready? If it hurts too much, just tell me" She guided his dick to her labia. She was very wet. Two seconds later, Liz was no longer a virgin. "Oh this feels nice. I've never been so... full. She started to rocking and pumping. In a few minutes as Frank was concentrating on Sharon's pussy, Liz had a big orgasm. She wailed long and loud. It was so delicious and fun! She didn't want to get off Frank's dick. "Who's being the cock glutton now?" Jibed Sharon. The girls switched ends. Frank was having a great time. Sharon was trying to get his big dick in her. She was having problems. So frank switched positions so he could better penetrate her. They were in a sorta missionary position, with her legs held up on his shoulders, high up. He said, "Are you ready?" She nodded and Frank pushed inside her. She screamed, frank was so concerned he stopped. "Don't you dare stop! I just had a wonderful orgasm. My first with a man, ever! Oh frank you are so fuckin good. I know we're just a couple of crazy dykes, but you have made me feel so special. Oh my God I'm gonna... COME AGAIN! UHH! UGH OH FUCK YES. BANG ME FRANK! OOOHHHH FUCK ME GOOD! AAEEEIIIAAHH! WOW!" Frank came as she did. Liz was watching closely, she saw her partner squirt her womanly juices all over the place. "Frank, can you make me squirt too?" "Honey, not all women squirt. Some do, some don't. Not every time either! We'll just have to keep fuckin you until it happens! Practice makes perfect." They all smiled. The bedroom was bathed in the flickering light from the fake electric fireplace. All three laid back in bed. Frank in the middle Sharon on his left, head on his shoulder, Liz on his right, head on his chest. Both girls had a hand on his dick, but he was big enough for that. There was a knock on the front door, then the door opened and closed. Dread was upon Frank as he imagined the fight he was about to have. "Frank, where are you?"a woman's voice, he thought it must be his wife. "There you are Frank, why don't you answer your phone. Why do you have the lesbians in bed with you? Hi Sharon, Hi Liz." It was Pamela, his voluptuous mother in law. "Hello Pamela," he said, "The girls are here because their apartment is like the artic. But while they were here, they took it upon themselves to help me with my depression. They tried to fuck the memory of Olivia out of me. What brings you here, my sexy mother in law?" "I came here to fuck you." "What?" "You heard me. I came here to fuck the shit out of you. A very Merry Christmas fuck. I've wanted you for so long. Every time my dumb slut daughter gets caught cheating, I think, I'll get to be with him this time. I'll finally confess my feelings for him. But every time, like clockwork, she wiggled and worms her way back into your heart. How many times has my daughter fucked someone behind your back? So I'm on a timetable. I figure I have three days before the big softheart takes her back. I'm going to try to convince him otherwise." "Yeah, I'm just an asshole I guess. I keep hoping she will change, this will be the last time she does this. I guess she will NEVER change. I feel so defeated. She dosen't really love me like she should. Or she lets her pussy do the thinking for her. Either way it sucks to be me. Why are you here now though. You really want to fuck me?" "Men are so fuckin dense." She took off her coat, she was naked underneath. She had huge tits, at least 48 DDD or EE. Her nipples were hard as rock and big as Frank's little finger, at least an inch long, and thick. Her areolas were a good four inches wide and puffy from excitement. Her labia was clean shaved and dripping, she was raring to go. She ripped the blanket from them and jumped up on Frank's legs. "Sorry girls, I'm determined to fuck this wonderful man. He makes me so hot just from him looking at me! Frank PLEASE! Take pity on this old broad. Give it to me, I beg of you!" She climbed up over his now very hard dick, and she aimed it for her cunt. She couldn't get it all in at once, but little by little as she stroked and pushed, she stretched out her vaginal walls to accommodate his manhood. For his part, he was twisting and tweaking her nipples as she purred. "Ohmygod Frank, you feel so much better than my fantasy. I've wanted you for seven years. Seven long, fuckin years! You feel wonderful in my snatch, Ohmygod here it comes, I'm... I'm... Gonna COME HARD, really HARD! Yes, Yes, Fuck YES, I'm coming! I'm COMING! Frank I love you. Uhh. Ugh. Uhhhh. Oh aahhh!" She GUSHED, not squirted. She exploded into multiple orgasms. It was the single best sex she had ever had. She collapsed on Frank's chest. The four of them spooned all night, with Frank's front being the sought after real estate. He did get some sleep. But the girls were all over him. He had to admit, they made him feel a lot better. Christmas morning, they were around the tree. He gave the presents he was going to give his wife, well now, forget it. He gave his mother in law a corselet in black leather and lace, and it fit her well. He gave Liz a quarter cup bra, and matching silk panties in white. Sharon got the black brocade one piece, with the trap door bottom. It fit ok. There was a knock on the door. Frank did not dread it this time as he had his shock troops. The key turned in the lock, and there stood his stunning shapely sister in law Beverley. She had just turned twenty. She walked in, in her winter coat and said, "Frank I heard what my stupid ass sister did. Three guys?! How could she do that to you. I'm here because I have a confession to make." She took off her coat and she was naked. Frank sighed, it was the best of times, it was the worst of times. This would definitely be a Christmas to remember.

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